What To Do When You Feel Unlovable?

Jul 16, 2023 ByClaire Miles

Sometimes, your negative thoughts get intrusive and you are burdened with guilt and a feeling of being worthless and unlovable. However, it is worth remembering that negative thoughts have the power to overcome rationality and distort reality, promoting a false perception about yourself. Given today’s global village due to technology, such thoughts can be triggered when you feel like you have failed to meet society’s unrealistic productivity goals, a success and age timeline, and beauty goals. The constant barrage of seemingly and outward ‘perfection’ can certainly have an impact on our perception and make us feel unlovable. But it should always be remembered, that you should not have to reach above and beyond and achieve something unbelievable and new to be worth loving. Sure, it is always a necessity to fix your toxic traits to the largest extent possible so you can become a better person, a better version of yourself, but the fact remains that you will still be you. You need to be loved, not some façade of yourself.

Love blossoms when you start loving yourself. Prioritize your self love as it is the basis for confidence and happiness. You can start by writing down things you like about yourself to give a foundational basis to build your lovability upon. Secondly, try your best to get rid of your negativity bias by focusing on all the positive things which surround you. Moreover, do not let your flaws define you and remember, everyone makes mistakes. You grow and learn due to your mistakes. Accepting and fixing your mistakes makes you a better person instead of a worse one.

A young woman in her living room hugging herself in the sunlight

Getty Images/DigitalVision/Sophie Mayanne

Always remember that romantic love and relationships do not define and characterize your lovability. You only feel that way because society has hardwired you into believing that you are incomplete without a romantic partner, but you are complete and lovable on your own.